I recently heard of three mothers who’ve left their husband – and children. One even left the state in which her ex-husband and three children live. Sacrilege!
Although it’s not acceptable, it almost seems natural, how easily fathers can separate themselves from their children’s lives. Sadly it’s the more-often-than-not experience. But it’s hard for me to grasp that a mother could do the same. Mothers are the nurturers, the comforters, the arms children seek to feel safe and loved. So I get judgmental – gasp! How can a mother leave her child? Leaving her husband is one thing. But her children?! What kind of woman does that?
When I get past my initial reaction, I take an honest tumble off my high horse. Although I don’t understand how a woman could leave her children – I can see why she would want to head for the hills and leave them in the valley. Parenting is hard.
As a single mom who left her ex, sometimes the guilt is crushing. More often than not I can’t sleep at night. My mind wanders, worries, is consumed with thoughts of my children. Will they be well-adjusted? Am I doing enough for them? Will they get the right education? Will they grow into self-sufficient adults with a healthy sense of right and wrong?
My waking hours aren’t much better. More often than not I’m exhausted from running kids here and there, caring for their every need, managing a house and working. My kids wear me down with constant bickering between themselves – and with me. Yea, those hills look pretty green. But I know me and I’ll be staying in the valley.
Does that make me a better mother? Not by a long-shot. I’ll admit, I fantasize about laying on a deserted beach, spending intimate evenings with a man, shopping for myself with no concern of a price tag. Some days I want to get in the car – and drive far, far away. Take an extended bath. Listen to the music I want to hear. Recapture the life I had before my existence revolved around my children. I’m not above the fantasy.
As it turns out, the men who are raising their children alone are doing amazing jobs. They are the mothers – and fathers – in their house. So I wonder, do the moms who left deserve a little more respect? Did they realize they could no longer handle their lives? Were they at a breaking point? Did they do their children a favor by leaving? Maybe they weren’t being selfish. Maybe they were overwhelmed.
Still my heart breaks for the children. Even if it was the right thing to do, it will be years before they understand. What’s unsettling to me is that I can understand it now.
September Mom 